Where Your Feet Are - Your Head Should be Also

As I have progressed on this new journey an important factor for me has been to focus on two things... where are my feet and my head should be where my feet are! I participated in a study before, during and after my mastectomy that focused on reducing my anxiety through meditation. I listened to the meditation tape everyday and recorded how much sleep I got, how much water I drank and how I felt in general. In the meditation the speaker told me to be mindful of where my feet were... this will keep you grounded in the reality of your present state... hmmm.... interesting. Now, whenever I feel a wave of "OMG" I look down at my feet and think - this is okay, it's only in my head. Of course I need to put my focus (my head) where my feet are, that will help!

So, when I hear about things going on in the lives of people I love and I am concerned, maybe even a little worried, I look down and remind myself where I am at this exact moment. I put my attention in that room, that place, that feeling, the smells, the clothes I'm wearing, the words I'm hearing, the things I'm seeing. It is then I can experience what is really around me and not the swirling noise in my head. We can all let the voices in our heads lead us down paths that are anxiety ridden, but, lately, I've been thinking about this - THIS is my journey - this is it - there is nothing else - it is what is in my head and what is all around me. These events are my journey. I am in charge. I can create great moments of awe and wonder or angst and fear. It is solely up to me.

Think about it. According to the theory of Quantum Reality all possibilities occur at all times it is where we focus that brings us that reality. If my focus is on my lack - that is my reality - if my focus in on my wealth -  that is my reality. What brought this home for me was listening to someone describe "rich" people. Her description was not much different than many people I know. "Rich people are people that have many cars in their driveway and more than one bathroom in their house. They throw away food because no one will eat it and they have lots of TVs!" This was part of her description. I guess as you more through the continuum of people and their stations in life the answer would be different. So this means there is no "rich" there is only YOUR "rich". In that case you are in charge. You create the "rich"ness of your world.

The same is true for wellness and happiness and all the -ness-es! All of these realities are a perspective based upon your focus. In the quantum field all possibilities exist simultaneously. If you put your focus upon something it becomes real for you. All of us have experienced this, when you are with other people and something happens each of you describes the event completely differently. You can tell me it is because everyone brings their own flavor to the event, but I think it is because in the field of infinite possibilities all the things everyone describes actually occurred it is the point of view of the person that brings certain things into reality and not others.

Pretty cool, when you think about what this means. We can make everything real if we want  - or not! I choose to focus on the wellness, happiness and goodness in the reality around me. That will improve my day and all my days.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

Top Ten Favorite Things of the Day

Top Ten Favorite Things of the Day

10. My blanket... I love my blanket.
9. Il cane mangia!
8. Sitting in traffic so I can stay on the phone with a good friend longer.
7. Warming up with the dog on my feet.
6. Finding the last pieces of 82% cocoa.
5. Finding out the coolest, new features on the cool, new software at work.
4. Learning new Italian phrases and planning to visit Capri.
3. Really fun meeting with colleagues.
2. The joy of conversations with old friends working things out and new friends planning new conquests.
...
And the Number 1 best part of today...

1. Listening to my children chatter away with each other at midnight laughing so loudly they woke me up - again.

I love listing off my best things. It forces me to reflect kindly upon my day and sometimes that little bit of perspective is exactly what is needed to relax and unwind.

I love planning good things in the morning, too. Some morning I just sit there and think... ponder... wonder... I used to call it molting. When I would consider the thoughts in my head. I have been adding some stuff (studying Italian for example) to that ritual, but honestly, the pondering helps.

It is awesome to listen to the quiet in the house. My thoughts just sort of tumble, they don't race and I am listlessly winding through the maze of ideas and concepts that rattle around up there. It's fun, really. I should write some of the stuff I think about down - it's good. Well, at least it seems good at the time. Then again, it seemed good at the time to do a lot of things that weren't so good!

When you think about it all of what we do here is just a way of biding time. In some ways life is like a serenade we use to enjoy the ride. Oh-oh... I find myself in that peculiar place... let me share this with you...

When I was sick I couldn't seem to read novels. I would start them and put them down losing interest really easily. What was going on in my body was so huge that trivial novels seemed dumb. So I picked up Stephen Hawking's "The Theory of Everything". I took my bald head out to the yard and starting reading about his theory on black holes. It was fascinating. I rested the book on my chest and looked up at the sky and was overcome. I felt the expanse of life - all of it - at the same time. Too big. The point is that life is meant to happen to us in the short lists - not in the big expanse. God didn't make us EXACTLY like Him - simply in His image. So we can't handle the expanse. Why try? enjoy the short list - enjoy the best moments - don't sweat the little things and if you happen to tell someone something that you shouldn't have... consider why you think that is true.

I stand by my decision ... EVERYTHING has a purpose and it's all good.

The Most Unexpected Gifts are the Best

Did you ever have one of those days where in spite of everything you did things just didn't want to go right? Today was my day. I started my morning with gratitude - I was feeling good, up beat start to my day... did my Italian lesson... practiced, "il bambino beve acqua", "Lui mangia un panino", etc. All is good. Then when I arrive at work I learn there was a screw up at the bank and our paycheck went in and out of our accounts. Weird, but it was being worked on...

As the day progressed all was well, but I kept having this nagging sense something was wrong. My daughter called me at work... nothing, just wanted to say hi... Still that feeling wouldn't go away. I worked late because we are trying to solve a problem with some laptops we have...

Nagging feeling remains... driving home I remind myself - draw upon your remember thoughts. So I being to remember... fun scenes from my children growing up, funny days with my husband, great moments with close friends and family... all of it making me smile... still the nagging feeling.

What is it? I'm worried. Worried about paying bills, my children, my sister, my parents, my aunt, uncle, cousins... damn, worrying is NONSENSE!!! I wasn't accomplishing anything obviously, but I did feel sort of lousy.

When I got home the house was empty. There on the kitchen table was the mail. In our mail was an unexpected gift - a check - couldn't have come at a better time. It was the sweetest, most unexpected gift that filled me up and made me cry. Here I was worrying and despite all my fretting the universe sends me this message... "I am listening, I love you, stop worrying."

It's all in the letting go, I suppose. The sweet gift of love that life provides us is the constant reminder that the universe will unfold as it should. You can hear me saying to people, "Hey, did you wake up the morning, adjust the stars and spin the planet on it's axis? No? Well, then obviously things are being taken care of by someone who doesn't check in with you!"

Today I was gifted with the memory that I don't have to worry about the details of my life. I can simply put it out there and joyously seek relief. I marvel at the gift that is my life. Something new - awareness...
something differently... early to bed! More rest and better days ahead!

Amo Studiare La Lingua Italiana

I started studying Italian today. Last year I bought the Rosetta Stone series to learn Italian - finally after 11 months I figured out how to open the thing! It was so much fun I think I will do this in the morning instead of looking around the room lost for the first 1/2 hour after I wake up...  It was pretty funny to watch me learn. 


I am something of a computer aficionado which means that techno-babble is my second language and I am studying Italian to be my third. 


After setting this thing up on my MacBook  Pro (I have so many computers to mess with at home I chose this one because it is the simplest ...Macs aren't really computers... ever since Gates stopped writing their software they've lost their luster... but, I digress...) I connected and installed the headset and microphone that came with the set. I don't really know what I am doing with a Mac so I did what seemed simplest - let the computer guide the hardware installation.


There I am sitting and practicing "una bambina" I repeat and the computer bell rings - good - next word, "ou" says the program "ou" I repeat... good... "mi" says the program, "mi" I repeat... honk... no good.... "mi" says the program, "mmmmiiii" I repeat... honk... "mi" says the program, "mmmmiiii" I repeat... honk..."mi" says the program, "mmmmiiii" I repeat... honk... this continues for some time... I can't seem to get the sound right. Oh, and I'm not kidding about the time - maybe 5 minutes have passed. My husband entered the room and I said, "Honey, you won't believe it, I can't seem to say "mi (me)"!" Oh, I believe it, he says, I have been listening to it all along. Apparently, the sound was NOT coming through the headset as I believed - but into the room and anyone hanging around was participating in my lesson... I was so embarrassed. Eventually, I figured out how to say "mi" but I did not figure out what is wrong with the headset. That is clearly a big deal :)


So there's a new thing... not the humiliating piece, that I do all the time... no the Italian thing. That should be pretty cool, don't you think? I love learning new things. Speaking of which I went to two bead stores in two days. I think I am on to something else. What a fun hobby! Not in the way that photography is fun... I adore taking pictures... no, but in a therapeutic way. There is something very zen about making jewelry for me and I am thoroughly enjoying it.


It feels like I might be getting back on track and that is a relief - I was feeling very derailed lately. Went to the gym, met my friend - she is a spin instructor and so she and I had a little private class. I love her for doing that - it's awesome! Du bist hamma, Connie! I ate well - stayed with my plan - and of course, played well - hubby and I did Saturday night - date night... went to Toys R Us to scout out Christmas presents (thank God my brother's kids are still young otherwise there would be no toys under my tree) and then, out to dinner, a short walk and of course what date wouldn't be complete without stopping at the store and picking up milk and eggs!


Voila! All is well.


Arriverderci!

Woke up, Fell out of Bed, Dragged a Comb Across My Head

This is how I begin each day lately.

My alarm goes off - I hit snooze... another alarm... another snooze... another alarm... up and at 'em. First thought - I am thankful for this day and for all it might hold for me (learned that prayer when I was in the seminary). With each step I take I say thank you. Thank you for my life, my health, my children, their health, my job, my new bathroom... each step I take I say a little thank you. I turn off all the lights my husband leaves on each night and sit on the couch. For some - you might use this as meditative time. For me - I just sit there. I don't have my hearing aids in so it is very, very quiet. I sit, look around, and ponder each silly thought that pops into my head! I look around the room, but nothing registers. I look at the ceiling, still nothing. Oh, wait a minute... oh, no, that thought just flew by - didn't manifest into anything... hmmm.... looking around again - no thoughts enter my head this time - wonder why I never seamed those two pieces of corner molding... random thoughts... time goes by... before I know it, it's time to shower and start my day.

I'm sure you've done that - sat around so tired you can't think... When I first broached this subject it felt funny and a little bit awkward - but now I think it is kind of formative in reflection. As I think about what happens here in the morning -  I feel a small sense of brava... after all, try holding NO thoughts in your head is a pretty big deal!

The rest of my day becomes much more productive. Actually, I am noticing a bit of shifting going on in my little world. Some people leaving, new people arriving, patterns changing and a new feeling to it all.  I love when it is like this - newness - sometimes it makes me anxious, but, lately, not so much. Instead I feel excited by it. I wonder what is in store for me?

But seriously... I am putting a stop to this morning stuff now. When I wake up I will keep the morning thank you ritual going, after all, thank you prayers are awesome, but I think I will lose the sitting on the couch thing - instead of not thinking anything I am going to put my focus on "things that make me happy."

Seeking Balance

Everyday I consistently try to live my life joyfully. Right now I am in a practice of praying for a friend everyday - several times a day - it is a specific prayer meant to generate healing for my friend.  It is a good process - good for me because I stop worrying about my own issues and I am focused on feeling good about someone I love.

I like this. Today no matter what I am doing, no matter where I am or who I am with, it is my dominant intention to seek my joy in all things.

That's all for today - more tomorrow...

My Cousin Touched My Heart

Family. I'm not talking about husband, kids, dog - I mean extended family - nieces, nephews, cousins, the whole sha-bang! I have plenty of family. What I love most about my family is the connectivity. I want to talk to you about one of my cousins. She lives far from the home where she grew up, but recently travelled home to mom and dad. My cousin has a special talent and that is what I am going to tell you about.

She does so many things to help you re-decorate your home - for me she was going to paint. The secret of this gift is her vision. I am of modest means and my home is a "cozy" place. When she arrived here to help me and paint my walls I really didn't imagine it would bring about anything great change to my life, after all it wasn't my first time. I figured my house would look nice and that would be great. Let me tell you, she is like the house whisperer. After the first day, when I came home and saw her work I actually cried. Sounds silly or made up, but, I assure you it is 100% true. I cried. Why?

Well, I thought about this for a few months now and I think I finally figured it out - I cried because she made my home beautiful. She didn't judge me too harshly for not having the vision to bring about the change - she just guided me there. After she left the changes continued. She was the tipping point to what is now a pretty great looking home. I didn't really like my house, but, she saw the potential for a beautiful house and helped me see it too. This is the kind of gift that is remarkable, memorable and very special.  Touching someone's life - their heart.

You may not realize that you are doing it. You may be just going over to someone's house to paint it. Inadvertently you touch their lives in multiple ways. The rippling effect of human contact is amazing. Someone touches you and you inspire others... slowly there is more good in the world. I remember a quote that went something like this..."If a man goes through life and touches but one life - his life has had meaning."

Be kind, follow your bliss and you will bring joy to those around you and if you don't feel good - don't stress it, just find the next best feeling. Keep moving up the feeling list until you forgot what feeling bad felt like. Remember the e.e. cummings poem, "i carry your heart"

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) 


We can be this for each other. My painter cousin was this for me!

Finally!

I keep starting this entry. I have started it four different times and each time I trash it. Did you ever have something like that? You know, it's so important to you that you can't do it! I started this blog about doing something new and something differently for 100 days (I never said they would be consecutive days). One of the first things I addressed was doing new things. I started doing some cool things as a result of this like morning meditations (sometimes, which is more often than never), and cleaning out my basement. The best side effect of this has been that I seem to be getting things done that I was procrastinating over.

That's used to be my story - I was the person that procrastinated. I kept putting off changing this about myself and now I am a little more focused. Every day - a little more focused. Now my story is more like - I am on a journey. Sometimes I try new things on this journey - sometimes after starting the new things I find another new thing to try. It's not about finishing - it's about journeying. I like to think of it that I am travelling down a road and then I notice a different way to go - it doesn't mean I changed directions - maybe that is my direction! I've said it many times - it's the journey not the destination that counts.

I know that sounds corny, but it is true! So, for something new let it be this - my outlook. Today I had a new outlook. My work day was consistently busy but very productive. I love days like this. It is so great to  move forward all day without feeling overwhelmed. For now - I'm trying to move forward, keeping my promise to myself and growing.

Today was one of those days when you are surprised that it is over. Busily going from one thing to the next - it just makes the day fly by! Attention to so many things at work had my mind working super-fast as we approached one solution after the next. When I have days like this I keep repeating the same anthem in my head - you will never get it done and you will always find more to do!

I firmly believe that we never finish anything because of the inspiration each thing offers. Oh, sure, you will finish a task like painting a room; but the inspiration of that tasks drives you. the completion of one phase of a project drives you to the next. As I reflected on this idea today I realized that this is part of the journey. These tasks... they are like the pebbles in the road. Each one has a purpose, each brings me clarity about what and who  I want to be. Without the complexity of our relationships, our journey is dull and pointless.

Each person adds to the fabric of my life. Each event brings texture and color. I am reminded of a Zen Buddhist Proverb - Before enlightenment - chop wood, carry water.  After enlightenment - chop wood, carry water.  You know, these ideas don't change much about the day to day mechanics of living life - but they may make the process more meaningful - and there is nothing wrong with that!

Something different - Today I didn't allow thoughts to simply enter my head randomly; instead I practiced controlled thinking. I spent the better part of the day focusing my thoughts and making sure that they did not get too random and that they were contributing at all times to my uplifting. Today I was an uplifted thinker!


Something new - thank you. New jewelry (made by me), follow up with the dentist (couldn't be healthier)