What happened?

I want to finish this project. My life became uprooted in the late spring and it took me until now to touch down on planet earth. I just finished re-reading all my posts to date and I must say - I learned a lot from me. :)

It is difficult to practice all this in the face of some pretty intense adversity. The universe provides, for me - every time in every way. In the beginning, it was difficult for me to keep my focus, to maintain my meditations, or even just to smile. I had many people around me to remind me of the kind and gentle ways of the universe and in time - I regained my balance.

It's funny how life is sometimes, right? I remember when I was diagnosed with cancer one of my friends said - when you are staring at the train but it's the truck that can plow you down! It is best not to worry, focus positively, and see where life takes you.

Life is a series of awesome moments - if I look at my difficult moments and see them as an opportunity to ask for improvements - then there is a never-ending stream of improvements waiting for me!

Everything Follows Joy

When I started out thinking about beginning again, it wasn't because I didn't like where I was... it was because I like starting out. The excitement that comes with planning - trying new things, thinking about BIG ideas. It's all kind of special. Of course, we all know what happens. Life happens. The newness wears away, some of the excitement gets tarnished by the work of actually doing the exciting things and, well, you know, it's not as much fun anymore.

This time I wanted it to be different and it was. I chose new things to try and tried to change some of what I was doing to re-create myself. I believe I can create anything! I know that because I have done it. In my journey people have said, well how do you create something that you want, like a new car? Huh? Did you really thing you could create a new car? Tell me that secret! Now that is something I want to learn.

The power to create is a gift that follows joy. We are all part of the same wholeness that is life. The pure positive energy from which all energy flows. We are all one of that same power. Each of us comes with a different twist (our humanity), but we are all part of the same oneness. Some call this God, others call this the Universe... nonetheless, it is the one place, the one pure truth from which all energy flows. We can capture that energy on any given day... you know what that feels like - that moment of pure joy! The kind of good feeling that makes you practically explode. Oh, it doesn't last very long - we can milk it and make it last as long as possible. But, we all know it - we know this joy. That is the power with which you know you can make ANYTHING happen.

That joyful energy - I call it my bliss - that is the power that makes worlds! That is when you are so in sync you say to someone - everything is going my way today - it's amazing! Well... when things are going that way how do you get it back? Can you get it back?

I was so down in the dumps for the past two weeks - personal metamorphosis I think... but, not to be morose - I didn't have an easy time of it. I KNOW what to do to overcome this bad feeling, but, I was struggling. I kept playing the "What if..." game. Do you know it?

I am never in a situation that doesn't have a way out (neither are you). So, when I feel badly I play the "What if..." game. What if the sun were shining - what would I be doing? What if I was watching "The Big Lebowski" what is my favorite scene (That rug really does pull the whole room together)? What if I was feeling happy now? If I can make that game last more than 15 seconds - well, it actually starts to help me feel better. I can't take all the credit for the "What if..." game it is a process I learned from a book called, "Ask and it is Given".  It really works!

For me the most important thing to remember is that the path, the journey that I travel in life, is an unfolding event that is meant to captivate and excite me. Excite in the way that atoms get excited - energized... life is supposed to energize me. So... when things are sad, or bad, or blue... it is the "What if..." game for me. What about you?

Good Vibrations

Do you ever experience a "good vide"? The feeling that something is right, you just don't know why? I have heard so many people use that expression... I was getting a good vibe from him... that place just "feels" bad when you walk in... She gives off a weird vibe... I have heard it frequently from many people in different walks of life. Yet, when I say things like you have to get on the vibrational frequency of what you want... people get that wally-eyed look. 


In life we choose our roles by event - either we are the observer or the experiencer. There are theories that say the only reason some things exist is because we observe them. Without observation - situation don't exist.  You know, if a tree falls in the woods... it is that theory. The same theory says all variations of the same situation exist simultaneously it is only our observation that brings on such event into focus. 


SO.... if our vibration or frequency matches an event and we observe it as we want it to be - then - theoretically - we can create our world through our perception. Reality becomes our tool re-creating itself based on our observation. Interestingly, I have seen this happen. I have been an observer along with others of the same situation. When we replay our interpretations some people see things I never saw or some people talk about this awful situation that I thought was just fine. Take this simple test to see what I mean - this is the Selective Attention Test: 

SO... for me, I have to set my attention to selectively see those things that bring me joy. Easier said then done some days. I am getting better everyday. I choose joy - I choose happiness. I meditate every morning to set my vibration at the highest level I can, I try to remain mindful all day long and pay attention to where my thoughts are heading. As the observer in my life I can choose to focus my attention in joyful ways. This has been my something new - EVERY DAY!

SO... I'm picking up good vibrations, I'm giving me excitations. What about you?

My Thoughts About Breast Cancer

When I walk into my gym there is a sign for us to all join in the Avon Breast Cancer Walk. I refuse. 

No one asks me why, as a survivor, I refuse to do this walk, but... I refuse. Avon has been rated based on 704 products as having products that contribute to cancer among other things. Read more... So - I refuse. You can't have it both ways. You can't be part of the problem and then raise money for a solution. Start at home!

This is a thought I have been puzzling much lately as I mourn the loss of another victim to this disease. I have a sticker on the door of my home that says, "Think before you Pink". Sponsored by Breast Cancer Action this campaign calls for transparency and accountability by companies that take part in breast cancer fundraising, and encourages consumers to ask questions about pink ribbon promotions. 

Then, today it dawned on me - why am I waiting for people to ask me? I need to talk about this more if it is important to me. I am not a particularly vocal person on this subject, less of a wave maker if you will... but, I am not sure I can continue that way as I read more and more things that are just so alarming. I have two daughters to protect! What about you?

Something new... I will tell you if you ask me why I don't walk in the Avon Breast Cancer Walk that I would rather walk for a cure than for cancer. 

I am still working on this so it's a little rough. Bear with me as I iron it out. Read what you can, educate yourself on the topic and support what you believe.

Seeing THIS Precious Moment for the First Time

Do you ever think about breathing? I mean really think about it? Sometimes, when I am having a particularly stressful day I make it a point to think about breathing. In and out... in and out... it is hypnotic. I was reading "Peace is Every Step" by Thich Nhat Hahn and in it he speaks out mindfulness and focusing on our breathing from which I made this mantra: breathing in I calm my body, breathing out I smile, breathing in the present moment, breathing out acknowledge this precious moment.

When I am driving to work and the traffic is intense I will use this mantra and when I come to the part about acknowledging this precious moment I look for at least one good thing I see directly around me. This morning it was the woman in the car next to me. She was singing like she was on stage! It was so cool to watch, but, I looked too closely because she became shy. Nonetheless, she made me smile and made the traffic bearable. 

Look around you in every moment there is one thing, maybe more that can make it easier. Sometimes it is something as simple as, my clothes fit well or I'm having a good hair day or at least I got a seat on this train. We can all find one good thing.

This has been my "new" for a while now and I am feeling it change me on the inside. Nothing big, but, I think it is happening a little at a time.

For now, I think I am a little less crazed and able to sleep a little better. That's good, right?

Co-creating at it's Best

Some days just turn out great. I didn't imagine today would be like that at all. In fact, I didn't imagine it at all. I woke up and did an abbreviated morning meditation and focused on adding joy in my life, but in an ethereal way, not in a real way. Boy, I learned my lesson.

The beauty in being able to create your life is that you CAN create your life - not in an ethereal way but in a less airy more concrete way. Always remembering that energy follows attention, where I focus my energy that is the reality I give life to in my day. Today did NOT start out that way, but , somehow there I was tonight with the reality I wanted.

My children are growing up and moving on. They spend less time at home and I admit, I miss them. When you hold that small child in your arms you forget that they are their own person and will one day want to have a life that is apart from yours (not leaving you, but appending you). That time has arrived for me. Recently, I found my self missing the days of lazy bodies lying in the living room in front of the TV in various stages of homework after dinner. Just a silly notion about how my life was when I wasn't paying attention. Well, tonight, when I WAS paying attention, but not expecting it - there they were [all three of my children], in various stages of homework, hanging around with me in front of a very funny TV program laughing out loud together. I glanced around the room and could not contain my joy. The smile went from ear to ear. A remember thought.

Sweet stuff this co-creating. Me and the Universe - we got a thing.

We Share the Same Chemistry as the STARS

OK. It is official. It's been one month since I last posted. I have so much to say about so many things, but, let me start with this. I have continued my journey of something new/something different and I am seeing the changes in myself. I now do a daily meditation in the morning - usually for no less than 15 minutes but averaging about 40 minutes a morning. Even I'm impressed. The great thing about this is that it helps me keep my head on straight (even on the days I think I didn't get anything out of it).

Further, I have noticed a change in myself that defies explanation. I don't know what it is - something like courage or confidence, with a mix of persistence. I am struggling with an explanation, so I won't explain it right now. Suffice it to say, I like what I am seeing in myself - yes, even on my worst day.

I would like to share something with you... a friend is in the midst of a personal tragedy. Every night I pray for peace for their family and a cure if it is right for them. I have witnessed such grace and spirit that I am moved to watch them go through this process. Take some time today to look into the face of someone you love. Don't say anything, just look at them. Breath in slowly and breath them in... exhale and release all your inhibitions and just look at each other. Not 10 seconds will go by before it will feel awkward, but if you sit through it... well, it's magical. Appreciate the people around you, the person next to you on line at the store, that guy on the bus, or that woman at the gym. We are all one. Feel that - just for today.

Thanks.

17 Seconds of Stillness

You know when you have one of those days where everything goes just right? Today was one of those days. From the outside people may not have noticed that my day was shaping up that way; it was hectic, many decisions to be made, lots of troubleshooting and what not - but, I love when things are like that - frantic... kinetic. It is easy to get lost in the ambling of events one to the next and before you know it, you look up and it's bedtime. What an amazing day.

In the midst of it all I found time to meditate and time to remember that I must settle inside myself. There is this person at work I see occasionally. She has told me sweet and kind things on more than one occasion for absolutely no reason. Whenever I walk past her or see her I note that there is a calmness about her - a stately awareness of who she is and a love that comes off of her. This is a gift to witness. For me she is a reminder of what I can achieve in my moments of stillness...that quiet "knowing"that brings you inner peace. I often wonder if it is prayer/meditation that brings us there.

Be still. Two small words with big meaning. Be still. It can mean to find a quietness and rest in it. Be still. Can I suppose that it means to continue to be? Quiet stillness. My pilates teacher tells us to strive for it in our postures. Be still... something different.

Make the effort to find 17 seconds of quiet stillness in your day. You will be surprised how long that can be! After 17 seconds, however, it gets much easier.

Try it, you might like it.

Awareness and Focus for my Everyday or Beware the Big, Bright, Green Pleasure Machine

I better amp this process up because at this rate - 100 days might take 100 years!

Back to basics... I have been doing daily meditations since I started this blog. Some days my meditations are 1 minute long - but most days they are about 15 minutes. Really, everyday. It has been wonderful for me. To me, conscious breathing meditation has made daily meditation simple.

It is easy to get caught up in the everyday distractions of our world: the noise of television, the allure of a digital world where we can share instantly with anyone we ever met, for example, not to mention email, text, BBMs, etc. How do we keep our awareness and self-focus in such a distracting environment? For me the question of keeping my focus has been a nagging one. I find it so easy to get distracted by the next best thing.

Have you ever had this experience? You are watching a TV program and you realize you are not interested in it - in fact, you don't want to watch it any more... but, you are unable or unwilling to turn it off? What is it that happens in us that allows us to let lousy TV into our life. We become what we perceive if we are not conscious and watching a TV program we are not interested in means we are not conscious in that moment. You can chose to be anything you want at any moment so why choose this?

Awareness means that we can look at something an become a part of it. If you are looking at anger - you can become anger and if you are looking at love you can become love. CHOOSE LOVE.

I learned a simple meditation I would love to share with you. I have been using it for a while now and it has helped me choose better things to be aware of and helped to ease my distractions. It involves four words of focus: calming, smiling, present, precious.  Breathing in I feel the calmness reach my fingertips (CALMING), breathing out I smile (SMILING), I am in the present moment (PRESENT) I look for the preciousness of this moment (PRECIOUS).

You can do this while you are driving, walking, in a meeting, fighting with your spouse. Remember, it takes fewer muscles to smile so it is very relaxing (think Mona Lisa).

Namaste

I once heard Namaste defined this way, "I honor that place in you where the whole Universe resides. And when I am in that place in me and you are in that place in you, there is only one of us."

My Birthday Wish

I have been asked many times in the past week - what do you want for your birthday? I have thought about this over and over. What do I want? Then, I realized, this is a very powerful question. What do I want, because if I focus my attention there - become a vibrational match to it - I will have it! So I made a list of things I want:

- I want to laugh with abandon - all the time.
- I want to dance and sing out loud whenever I feel like it and I want my children to stop telling me not to do that.
- I would like to play the "what if" game and have some of it come true... quickly.
- I want to let go of all things that worry me. Worrying is like a rocking chair - it gives you something but, it doesn't get you anywhere.

Most of all I want to share all the love I feel with all of you whenever I can - freely - remembering that we are all part of the same whole. The stuff that makes up the stars is the same stuff we are made of - we are stars. I want to remember that the light of the world shines from inside of each of us - whether I can see it at the moment or not... I want to remember that...

God is
Life is
I am

For you, Virginia, wherever you are...

Happy Birthday!

Mindfulness Meditation

It has been a while since I posted. Let me tell you what has transpired. I cranked it up a bit! Oh, yeah, that's right. It wasn't enough to think it or feel it or try it... I actually did it. Each of my daily mediations has helped me realize I want to do more meditation. More focusing on peaceful, stillness.

Have you done that? I find it so cool when I hit the place that is right. That peaceful, still place. I sit quietly and listen to one of my gurus talk me through the steps and then I find it. This quiet place where my mind doesn't race and I feel still inside. I remember once, many years ago, going on a silent, directed retreat. According to the priest who led the retreat I should be quiet for three days. Obviously, he didn't know me or he would have come up with a different plan. This was a form of medieval torture to me. Nonetheless, I did it. The first night I had hallucinations of someone whispering in my ear - Be Still. I'm smiling as I tell you this, because every bit of it is true and I never shared this before... Be Still. There I was in this cold, dark, rectory bedroom with a creepy voice in my head saying Be Still. Remnants of the nun at my grammar school, no doubt. The point is... I listened... I was quiet and I listened and I heard... Be Still. Many more times in my life as I tried to recapture that quiet I am reminded that stillness lies within. It is my source of courage, my source of strength. There is no shame in making mistakes. The shame comes from not correcting them when you see them glaring at you. Be Still. You will hear your heart calling you in the direction of a loving source.

At times when I feel defeated or broken - when I get one more piece of bad news I didn't expect - it is hard to find that source. It is these times I use my remembered thoughts to carry me through. I remember your loving kindness to me, a smile, a touch, a joke... only then can I pause in my sadness and doubt and find the light to lead me back.

To all of you who carried me (even when you didn't know) thank you! Whether you whispered or shouted your gifts to me - I carry them in my heart. When I am in times of doubt they play their song for me and I feel released again to start all over. All of this I am getting from my "something new" meditation.

According to a study at Massachusetts General Hospital found that in just eight weeks of mindfulness meditation there were notable changes in the physical structure of participants brains. "Magnetic resonance images of their brains taken before and after the eight-week stints showed meditation was linked with increases in grey-matter density in brain areas associated with learning and memory, and decreased density in areas linked with stress. A control group did not show the changes.

“It is fascinating to see the brain’s plasticity and that, by practising meditation, we can play an active role in changing the brain and can increase our wellbeing and quality of life,” says study co-author Britta Hölzel."(Lazar, et. al.)

So take the time to have a few deep breaths and relax... let thoughts flow... mindfulness meditation is the practice of staying in the moment. Remember, where my feet are my mind should be... Just stay focused, relax, and renew!

Nurturing Creativity

How do you nurture your creativity? Can you capture your best moments and put them down in a song or in words? What is it like to do inspired work? When you become the vessel for the creative energy to flow. This is a truly unique thing. For most of us we just have to roll up our sleeves and grind it out. That doesn't mean we don't recognize when the source within us inspires us to our next step... our inspiration.

Inspired thought, link inspired action can be elusive, difficult to describe, profound even! Have you ever just decided to go left when you were supposed to go right? Only to discover you made the better choice for some "unknown" reason. This inspired action comes more frequently when we are in the vortex of creativity... the "zone".

We have all been there - understanding that our marriage with the universal source is actually our way of being in touch with ourselves. We can look in the mirror and tell the universe exactly how we want it to work because that energy that creates worlds  is also the energy that creates your day.

Listened to Elizabeth Gilbert talk about this way of looking at creativity and I know I listened to a great idea. Take a listen yourself!

Still Thinking With My Head in the Same Time Zone as My Feet

I am looking forward to seeing the physical changes in my body that demonstrate the changes in my thinking. I enjoy thinking deliberately and this helps me think about my healthy body. Health is not only my birthright, it is my natural state. My body always seeks homeostasis, my cells always seek their perfect level. Even cellularly my body ALWAYS seeks it healthiest self. Why shouldn't I be mindful of that great power that lives in me?

Deliberate thinking lets me live my life on purpose. Did you ever find yourself driving and you are not sure what you were thinking about for the past maybe fifteen minutes, but, you refocus and start thinking deliberately? Me, too.

Sometimes my thoughts wander to a less than happy place. Maybe I experienced something unpleasant and I decide to sort that out in my head. Fighting an imaginary fight... you know, like when you tell the person off that just swiped that parking space from you. You don't really say anything, but boy did you let them have it in your car! Well, instead of doing that I have started thinking more positively about people when I'm in that situation. Maybe they needed to get out of their car right away, perhaps, that isn't the best spot for me after all... you know a more peaceful way of approaching life.

Thinking deliberately, keeps my eye on the prize. Then I am always sure that my head and my feet are still in the same place!

Nostalgia

My friend came up with a great way to raise money for her Breast Cancer Walk. She makes jewelry and sells it to people for a donation. So, last night we (three of us) sat around in her extra comfy living room with a fire in the fireplace and candles lit all around in great conversation making earrings. I was not in a particularly creative head so I was not making as many earring as they were, but it was fun. This is new and different!

During this experience, like so many like it, we were sharing ideas and stories about life. From tragedy to triumph we each other glimpses into ourselves. This age old practice - conversation - is becoming a lost art in this technological world. Oh, don't get me wrong, I am the queen of tech, but, this was a nostalgic glimpse... the fireplace lighting the room, the candles, the conversation - all reminded me of many nights in my life.

So, my plan for today is nostalgia [granted I started my day by blogging :)]. Working in a religious school where most of my cohorts honor Shabbos by spending sunset Friday until sunset Saturday without electronic convenience and in prayer, is an inspiration. So today I will attempt to turn back time as my new and different. Care to come with?

A New Life Perspective

Post Number 50

I certainly have been doing this for more than 50 days - but, I don't always get time to post so - 50 it is!

Do you remember Monty Python's line, "and now for something completely different"... That is how it's been for me lately. I'm just going along on my day and opportunities present themselves for something completely different. So I have been making those choices and it has been great. I feel my mood lifting every time. 

For example, last night, sadly, my husband and I had to go to a wake. Now, clearly, this is not the place you expect your mood to lift, right? When we walked into the Funeral Parlor I was taken back by the sheer number of people there. His cousin Josie had to be 80 years old but the room was packed. This was a well-liked woman and a pretty big family, too. As I walked through the room I thought it was interesting that we were 'related' to all these people I didn't know well! It made me feel warm inside and happy to see them. 

As we drove away Dan and I began to talk about how lucky we were to have so many nice people in our lives and even if we didn't see them all the time, well, it's nice to know they are there. We drove around for about a half hour just laughing and talking. I felt like I was on a date... Eventually, though we did those family chores (picked up groceries for the impending snow storm) and headed home.

I crawled into bed but as I reflected on my day I thought I am pretty lucky to have such a fresh perspective on my life!

Blessings come in all sorts of packages and as long as your eyes are open they are easy to see. It is sometimes kinder to act surprised when someone thinks they are surprising you than to tell them you already knew. Their surprise is your gift. I have many of these gifts in my life and recently I have been blessed with the pure vision to see my life from the pure, positive energy perspective.

What about you?

Journey in Self-Appreciation

I guess because it is still the beginning of the year I am still stuck on the topic of resolutions. I am probably like many other people who made lofty promises to themselves and now find myself struggling to make it happen. I read an article in Yoga Journal Magazine called, "Nuture the New You". What touched me most about this article was: "without self-judgement recognize how the habit you are trying to change creates suffering and stress (including your habit of being hard on yourself). Then acknowledge your desire to be free from this suffering." 

This is my meditation today. I joke with my friends when they are beating themselves up and tell them to stop it. I suggest that they should get on any highway in NY or NJ, drive in the left lane at about 30 mph and people will be lining up to beat them up. Critics are easy to find! People that love and support you, not so much. So, why not start the trend? You're not so bad, actually, you're kind of great. Think about it....

You found a way to improve your life that will bring you more joy. Just because you struggle to break the habit of being you, doesn't make you unworthy. Instead it makes you courageous! Thought habits become visceral over time and then they are hard coded not just in our thoughts, but in our muscles and neurons.

Which one of us hasn't had this conversation? 

Tell me the phone number? 

Uh, wait, I don't know it... I have to dial it first.

Why? because the information is hard coded into your muscles. Well, if you have spent a lifetime procrastinating.... that must be hard coded! Be as kind to yourself as you would be to another going through the same thing. Don't throw out your resolution because you skipped a day. Re-affirm yourself in your journey and know that it is one of a million steps taken one at a time.