What happened?

I want to finish this project. My life became uprooted in the late spring and it took me until now to touch down on planet earth. I just finished re-reading all my posts to date and I must say - I learned a lot from me. :)

It is difficult to practice all this in the face of some pretty intense adversity. The universe provides, for me - every time in every way. In the beginning, it was difficult for me to keep my focus, to maintain my meditations, or even just to smile. I had many people around me to remind me of the kind and gentle ways of the universe and in time - I regained my balance.

It's funny how life is sometimes, right? I remember when I was diagnosed with cancer one of my friends said - when you are staring at the train but it's the truck that can plow you down! It is best not to worry, focus positively, and see where life takes you.

Life is a series of awesome moments - if I look at my difficult moments and see them as an opportunity to ask for improvements - then there is a never-ending stream of improvements waiting for me!

Everything Follows Joy

When I started out thinking about beginning again, it wasn't because I didn't like where I was... it was because I like starting out. The excitement that comes with planning - trying new things, thinking about BIG ideas. It's all kind of special. Of course, we all know what happens. Life happens. The newness wears away, some of the excitement gets tarnished by the work of actually doing the exciting things and, well, you know, it's not as much fun anymore.

This time I wanted it to be different and it was. I chose new things to try and tried to change some of what I was doing to re-create myself. I believe I can create anything! I know that because I have done it. In my journey people have said, well how do you create something that you want, like a new car? Huh? Did you really thing you could create a new car? Tell me that secret! Now that is something I want to learn.

The power to create is a gift that follows joy. We are all part of the same wholeness that is life. The pure positive energy from which all energy flows. We are all one of that same power. Each of us comes with a different twist (our humanity), but we are all part of the same oneness. Some call this God, others call this the Universe... nonetheless, it is the one place, the one pure truth from which all energy flows. We can capture that energy on any given day... you know what that feels like - that moment of pure joy! The kind of good feeling that makes you practically explode. Oh, it doesn't last very long - we can milk it and make it last as long as possible. But, we all know it - we know this joy. That is the power with which you know you can make ANYTHING happen.

That joyful energy - I call it my bliss - that is the power that makes worlds! That is when you are so in sync you say to someone - everything is going my way today - it's amazing! Well... when things are going that way how do you get it back? Can you get it back?

I was so down in the dumps for the past two weeks - personal metamorphosis I think... but, not to be morose - I didn't have an easy time of it. I KNOW what to do to overcome this bad feeling, but, I was struggling. I kept playing the "What if..." game. Do you know it?

I am never in a situation that doesn't have a way out (neither are you). So, when I feel badly I play the "What if..." game. What if the sun were shining - what would I be doing? What if I was watching "The Big Lebowski" what is my favorite scene (That rug really does pull the whole room together)? What if I was feeling happy now? If I can make that game last more than 15 seconds - well, it actually starts to help me feel better. I can't take all the credit for the "What if..." game it is a process I learned from a book called, "Ask and it is Given".  It really works!

For me the most important thing to remember is that the path, the journey that I travel in life, is an unfolding event that is meant to captivate and excite me. Excite in the way that atoms get excited - energized... life is supposed to energize me. So... when things are sad, or bad, or blue... it is the "What if..." game for me. What about you?

Good Vibrations

Do you ever experience a "good vide"? The feeling that something is right, you just don't know why? I have heard so many people use that expression... I was getting a good vibe from him... that place just "feels" bad when you walk in... She gives off a weird vibe... I have heard it frequently from many people in different walks of life. Yet, when I say things like you have to get on the vibrational frequency of what you want... people get that wally-eyed look. 


In life we choose our roles by event - either we are the observer or the experiencer. There are theories that say the only reason some things exist is because we observe them. Without observation - situation don't exist.  You know, if a tree falls in the woods... it is that theory. The same theory says all variations of the same situation exist simultaneously it is only our observation that brings on such event into focus. 


SO.... if our vibration or frequency matches an event and we observe it as we want it to be - then - theoretically - we can create our world through our perception. Reality becomes our tool re-creating itself based on our observation. Interestingly, I have seen this happen. I have been an observer along with others of the same situation. When we replay our interpretations some people see things I never saw or some people talk about this awful situation that I thought was just fine. Take this simple test to see what I mean - this is the Selective Attention Test: 

SO... for me, I have to set my attention to selectively see those things that bring me joy. Easier said then done some days. I am getting better everyday. I choose joy - I choose happiness. I meditate every morning to set my vibration at the highest level I can, I try to remain mindful all day long and pay attention to where my thoughts are heading. As the observer in my life I can choose to focus my attention in joyful ways. This has been my something new - EVERY DAY!

SO... I'm picking up good vibrations, I'm giving me excitations. What about you?

My Thoughts About Breast Cancer

When I walk into my gym there is a sign for us to all join in the Avon Breast Cancer Walk. I refuse. 

No one asks me why, as a survivor, I refuse to do this walk, but... I refuse. Avon has been rated based on 704 products as having products that contribute to cancer among other things. Read more... So - I refuse. You can't have it both ways. You can't be part of the problem and then raise money for a solution. Start at home!

This is a thought I have been puzzling much lately as I mourn the loss of another victim to this disease. I have a sticker on the door of my home that says, "Think before you Pink". Sponsored by Breast Cancer Action this campaign calls for transparency and accountability by companies that take part in breast cancer fundraising, and encourages consumers to ask questions about pink ribbon promotions. 

Then, today it dawned on me - why am I waiting for people to ask me? I need to talk about this more if it is important to me. I am not a particularly vocal person on this subject, less of a wave maker if you will... but, I am not sure I can continue that way as I read more and more things that are just so alarming. I have two daughters to protect! What about you?

Something new... I will tell you if you ask me why I don't walk in the Avon Breast Cancer Walk that I would rather walk for a cure than for cancer. 

I am still working on this so it's a little rough. Bear with me as I iron it out. Read what you can, educate yourself on the topic and support what you believe.

Seeing THIS Precious Moment for the First Time

Do you ever think about breathing? I mean really think about it? Sometimes, when I am having a particularly stressful day I make it a point to think about breathing. In and out... in and out... it is hypnotic. I was reading "Peace is Every Step" by Thich Nhat Hahn and in it he speaks out mindfulness and focusing on our breathing from which I made this mantra: breathing in I calm my body, breathing out I smile, breathing in the present moment, breathing out acknowledge this precious moment.

When I am driving to work and the traffic is intense I will use this mantra and when I come to the part about acknowledging this precious moment I look for at least one good thing I see directly around me. This morning it was the woman in the car next to me. She was singing like she was on stage! It was so cool to watch, but, I looked too closely because she became shy. Nonetheless, she made me smile and made the traffic bearable. 

Look around you in every moment there is one thing, maybe more that can make it easier. Sometimes it is something as simple as, my clothes fit well or I'm having a good hair day or at least I got a seat on this train. We can all find one good thing.

This has been my "new" for a while now and I am feeling it change me on the inside. Nothing big, but, I think it is happening a little at a time.

For now, I think I am a little less crazed and able to sleep a little better. That's good, right?

Co-creating at it's Best

Some days just turn out great. I didn't imagine today would be like that at all. In fact, I didn't imagine it at all. I woke up and did an abbreviated morning meditation and focused on adding joy in my life, but in an ethereal way, not in a real way. Boy, I learned my lesson.

The beauty in being able to create your life is that you CAN create your life - not in an ethereal way but in a less airy more concrete way. Always remembering that energy follows attention, where I focus my energy that is the reality I give life to in my day. Today did NOT start out that way, but , somehow there I was tonight with the reality I wanted.

My children are growing up and moving on. They spend less time at home and I admit, I miss them. When you hold that small child in your arms you forget that they are their own person and will one day want to have a life that is apart from yours (not leaving you, but appending you). That time has arrived for me. Recently, I found my self missing the days of lazy bodies lying in the living room in front of the TV in various stages of homework after dinner. Just a silly notion about how my life was when I wasn't paying attention. Well, tonight, when I WAS paying attention, but not expecting it - there they were [all three of my children], in various stages of homework, hanging around with me in front of a very funny TV program laughing out loud together. I glanced around the room and could not contain my joy. The smile went from ear to ear. A remember thought.

Sweet stuff this co-creating. Me and the Universe - we got a thing.

We Share the Same Chemistry as the STARS

OK. It is official. It's been one month since I last posted. I have so much to say about so many things, but, let me start with this. I have continued my journey of something new/something different and I am seeing the changes in myself. I now do a daily meditation in the morning - usually for no less than 15 minutes but averaging about 40 minutes a morning. Even I'm impressed. The great thing about this is that it helps me keep my head on straight (even on the days I think I didn't get anything out of it).

Further, I have noticed a change in myself that defies explanation. I don't know what it is - something like courage or confidence, with a mix of persistence. I am struggling with an explanation, so I won't explain it right now. Suffice it to say, I like what I am seeing in myself - yes, even on my worst day.

I would like to share something with you... a friend is in the midst of a personal tragedy. Every night I pray for peace for their family and a cure if it is right for them. I have witnessed such grace and spirit that I am moved to watch them go through this process. Take some time today to look into the face of someone you love. Don't say anything, just look at them. Breath in slowly and breath them in... exhale and release all your inhibitions and just look at each other. Not 10 seconds will go by before it will feel awkward, but if you sit through it... well, it's magical. Appreciate the people around you, the person next to you on line at the store, that guy on the bus, or that woman at the gym. We are all one. Feel that - just for today.

Thanks.