Monday by Central Park with Dad

Pushing forward, trying harder, pull through of these all sound like you need power to get what you want. Pushin against is too active to have any results, mostly when I push against I just get tired. It is easier to "flow with" than "push against".That is not to say that you have to be a wimp, quite the contrary, flowing, allowing, is anything but wimpy. I don't want to take up a war - I just want to reach for and find the best feeling thought I can find.

Jewelry making class was great tonight. I made an adorable necklace. My friends tell me to post pictures. I will take some soon and post my attempts at craftiness. So I suppose my jewelry making is something done differently. Tomorrow is soap making - will it never end!

Something new - well, of course there was my trip to the oncologist today. Nothing new there, unfortunately...I mean unfortunately that I have to go to an oncologist and nothing new in that I am fine.... unremarkable...normal... well maybe not so normal but my physical report was unremarkable. Good enough for me.So, you say, what's new? My dad came with me to the doctors office. He has some of the best NYC parking mojo on the planet. If you are ever in need of a parking guru you should seek him out. So dad volunteered to escort me. I love hanging out with my dad. He has such a sound and logical take on life - it's refreshing. He was the calm in my life for so very long. I was reflecting today what it was like for him the first time we had to deal with my cancer.

We were surprised by the diagnosis since the first doctors didn't seem so sure, when we came to the ones in NYC and they just sort of blurted out, "You have cancer and we need to plan on the best way to care for this." I was immediately sick to my stomach. The doctor sent us to a radiologist to do a series of biopsies (I had three separate tumors). While I was with the radiologist making her cry - sad, but, true... I told her about my children and about how surprised we were, I may have even mentioned that I really didn't want to have cancer... I'm not sure, I just remember she started tearing up and said to me, patients don't usually make me cry. I smile now when I think about her kindness and compassion, but I digress. While I was with her, my mom called my dad and he was in the wating room when I stepped outside. He left work (very big deal) and was waiting. When I came out I remember seeing him and crying, "Oh, Daddy, I have cancer." He was standing there with his arms outstretched and I just fell in them like I was a child. You see, that's how it's always been, if I needed to fall into outstretched arms, my dad could always provide them.

As an aside, my husband and I did NOT believe I had cancer and that is why he was not with me. He had taken off a few days already and needed to go to work. I was just running to the doctor to get a second opinion. We never anticipated this outcome. He has pretty strong arms too, he just wasn't there and this is a daddy story anyway... okay... back to that.

My dad is a mostly serious guy. Witness the night we were playing cards on vacation at 2 in the morning and my dad came down the stairs ready to kill us. My cousin, Vito, picked up a big chair and starting fighting him off like a lion tamer... my dad merely smiled. That was a hysterical scene and he smiled, shook his head and went back to bed.

For all his seriousness though, he has a great sense of humor, a warm and compassionate heart and a good soul. I am lucky to have a dad like him. So my "new" is remembering how much I love my dad and sharing it with you.

Thanks for spending the day with me, Daddy, I love you.